Living a truly fulfilled life starts with the relationship you have with yourself. Do you encourage and empower yourself or do you tend to be hard on yourself and beat yourself up? Do you make time for self-care or check-in with everyone but yourself?
Most of the time, when we make the decision to improve our lives, we look at all the things we could START doing and new habits to implement. However, another great strategy is to analyze the habits you’re currently practicing. If you then do some self-reflection and realize which things are not serving you, you know what to change.
When you think of children and how happy they are with themselves, you realize that self-love is actually your natural state and your birth right. It’s only through social conditioning and outside influence that we tend to forget how amazing we are just by being ourselves.
So in this post I share with you six things to stop doing if you want to love yourself more.
1) Stop Judging Yourself
The first and most important thing to stop doing if you want to love yourself more is to stop judging yourself. To be honest, we tend to be so hard on yourself and you might be all too familiar with this mean voice inside your head that constantly finds a reason why you’re not enough.
The first and most important thing to stop doing if you want to love yourself more is to stop judging yourself. To be honest, we tend to be so hard on yourself and you might be all too familiar with this mean voice inside your head that constantly finds a reason why you’re not enough. Judging and trash-talking yourself is actually a form of self-sabotage because you’re essentially sabotaging yourself into believing that you are not worthy. Realize that you’re only human, you’re doing the best you can and that is always more than good enough
Tip to change this: Instead of judging yourself for what you’re not and looking at your “failures” (or rather lessons, I don’t like the word failures), focus on your achievements so far and how far you’ve come in life.
You can also create an “achievement jar” with all the things you’re proud of. Remember that these achievements can be anything from eating healthier, finishing a degree or incidents where you helped someone. Note down all the things you’re proud of and put them in a jar. So every time you doubt yourself, you can pull a note out and see what you have already achieved. You got what it takes.
2) Stop Highlighting the “Bad Things”
As humans, our brains have a bias towards giving negative things more weight and meaning. The bad feelings from losing $20 are stronger than the happy feelings you get from gaining $20.
Let’s say you like most of your body but there is one little thing you might not like (for example your thighs). So instead of being grateful for your body and what you have, you focus on this one thing that you don’t like. As a result, it becomes magnified and since your thoughts are consumed with this one “flaw”, you totally forget how amazing and beautiful your body actually is and what it does for you on a daily basis.
So what parts of your life are you highlighting?
In order to truly love yourself, it’s time to throw that highlighter away that is only highlights your flaws and makes you feel bad about yourself.
Realize that you’re a complete package of the perfect AND the imperfect, the good AND the bad and that it’s time to accept everything about you.
Think about your partner or friends. You also want them to accept you the way you are, without conditions . You can do the same for yourself.
3. Stop Overanalyzing Everything
I have been so guilty of this in the past and it was holding me back all the time. I was stuck in analysis- paralysis and that’s why it took me 5 months from having the idea for this blog to making it a reality. I finally learned that when you analyze too much, it’s a waste of your energy and also a form of judgement. By overanalyzing everything, we tend to compare ourselves to others and look at what other people are doing or posting on social media.
Always remember this: Comparison is the greatest thief of joy. If you’re always comparing yourself, the focus is on the other person, not you and all too often, you forget how amazing you truly are because you’re too immersed in other people’s lives. Therefore, in order to feel more self-love, it’s super important to live in the present moment and to of course, be grateful for where you are at.
4. Stop Dimming Your Light
One of the best ways to evaluate where you are in your self-love journey is to look at the things you are allowing yourself:
- Are you allowing yourself to be happy?
- Are you allowing yourself to live life to the fullest or do you tell yourself that some things are “just not possible for you”?
- Are you allowing yourself to have an abundance mindset?
- Are you allowing yourself to embrace your full potential in this world?
- Are you allowing yourself to see the amazing & beautiful person that you are?
It’s time to stop going to places where you find your weakest power. This includes doing a job that leaves you unfulfilled, putting up with abusive relationships and going places that don’t make you feel appreciated, loved and valued.
Once you decide to no longer dim your light and that you, as much as anybody in the world deserves to live a happy and fulfilled life, things start to change as you’re gaining back your power. Self-love means standing up for yourself and consciously CHOOSING the things that are best for you.
Here’s a tip for you that I also use in my own life:
The next time you make a choice (whether it’s a job, relationship or situation), ask yourself this question:
Does doing this lie in my own best interest? What would the happiest, most empowered version of myself do?
You’ll be surprised at the clarity you will get from this. Allow yourself to dream big – you deserve it.
5. Stop Finding Excuses for Why You Can’t Be Where You Want To Be
One of the quickest ways to give your power away is by feeling victimized. Instead of thinking about what went wrong in the past, see yourself as the hero/heroine of your own story. Life is full of contrast, a bittersweet symphony. We all go through tough phases in life, it’s inevitable, but true power comes from owning your past and being proud of yourself for all the things you have overcome.
The more you feel sorry for yourself, the harder it will be to love yourself. Why?
Because you are basically hating yourself for where you are and this makes loving yourself 100 times harder. Once you no longer identify with suffering, you can feel empowered again.
To me, there is nothing more empowering than knowing that you are 100% responsible for your life and that instead of letting life happening to you and blaming other people, the government or your past, you choose to consciously create it.
Always remember: Life is never just happening to you but it’s your choice how you respond to it.
6. Stop Putting Your Self-Care on the Back-Burner
Once I started implementing healthy habits into my life that serve my highest good, I realized how powerful self-care actually is. Great things happen when you start to respect your needs and choose to make time for habits that are nurturing your soul. To me, it’s definitely my morning routine. Taking one hour in the morning just for myself and my own needs, is an act of self-love.
Whether it’s reading, meditation, yoga, working out, painting, singing, poetry or photography, start implementing habits into your life that make you happy and make them a non-negotiable.
It’s all too easy to get lost in the busyness of this world and prioritize everything else (work, studying, other people’s needs, checking social media,..) over your own needs.
Even if I have a lot on my plate, I make habits like meditation, yoga, journaling, spending time in nature and sleeping 7-8 hours a priority.
Only if your cup is full, you can show up as the best version of yourself.
So try to answer these questions for yourself :
- In which area of life are you currently neglecting your needs?
- Which habits make you feel good about yourself?
- What makes your heart jump and your eyes sparkle?
Final Thoughts + a Gift For You
At the end of the day, self-love also comes down to the ability to lift yourself up instead of waiting for others to do it for you. There comes unbelievable freedom in giving yourself the things you’re so desperately craving from other people (like time, attention, care and support).
If you want to further improve your self-love and learn how to empower yourself, you will love this gift I have created for you. It’s a guide with journal prompts for self-empowerment and confidence to go after your dreams.
Lots of love to you and until next time,